It's My Anxiety and I'll Cry If I Want Too!

It's been one of those weekends.  I've got over my first blog nerves with the help from another super blogger, still waiting for the bubble to burst to be honest, grappled with my own insecurities because I hadn’t received any comments. Y'know the ones, everybody is too polite to say anything or it wasn't bad enough for anybody to take the time to slate it.  So off I went to seek validation from those who know me so well and love me.  I thought to myself  "these guys will tell me how it is, I hope!" They did positively.  Phew! Though one response from the green-fingered Mr W caught my twinkling blues "...trying to leave a comment on there..". Hmmmm, let's take a look at this baby then.  Several hours later, I had my very own meltdown, felt like an absolute numpty!  Nobody told me you had to switch it on!!

So if you feel the need....go give it a try, I'm waiting!!!**cheeky wink**

As I said, one of those weekends, the lull before the storm that is going back to school! I ALWAYS leave it to the last minute, my thinking behind it; it only leaves days to cause major anxiety meltdown!  Our 'Bob' has over the years finely tuned his meltdowns, we have had the screaming in my face, throwing himself on the floor, finding the ability to launch the most minute missile and make it hurt, and we have had the hours of sobbing and the relentless chunnering to name but a few.  So our latest is to become VERY LOUD, critical and we GO ON, GO ON, GO ON.

Our antecedent - the dreaded school blazer. Our behaviour - firm resistance.  Our consequence - haggling.  You may well ask! My son has got haggling down to a fine art.  In order for us to even attempt the rather crowded store, we haggled a one size one try, so choice of size mattered.  Did I need other stuff? Yep you bet your purdoody I did!  The queue was the longest one I have ever seen in there, and by the looks of the other parents, they had the same idea too! We lasted 2 minutes, one choice, quick try on, and Mr AUTYnary and Our 'Bob' were exit stage left. Leaving me standing on my lonesome.  I did have a little chuckle to myself, as some poor bloke had quite clearly been sent by the wife with said child in tow - mission school uniform.  Bless him he kept taking pictures of different sized blazer's on the child, then talking to mobile, taking it off trying another one on.  All this whilst standing in the queue, now who said men can't multi-task!

 I finally get out and go to seek out Mr and Master AUTYnary, where are they......no bloomin' idea! Gone! By this time I am really cheesed off.  I'm wandering up the street and who comes strolling round the corner; you guessed it Tweedledee and Tweedledum!  Looking very pleased with themselves, our 'Bob' asks for £1.50.  The pair of them had been in the charity shop and had found a lock for the den.  Do I dare mention at this point we need a new pair of shoes?  Nah let’s get the charity shop over and done with.  Besides I knew the response.  The suggestion of going into a weekend packed shopping centre just created an almighty kerfuffle, and that was just the senior of the pair.  The upshot, shoes from last term are in reasonable condition so we are having to change the laces and give them a good polish, school bag is still relatively hole free and we can't possible choose one because someone else might have the same and it would cause confusion, so we don't take the chance! I get "Shsssh'd" and "don't embarrass me" "What are you on woman?" "You're making me anxious!”  So why is buying new every school year important? Is it for me or him? On reflection I'm the one who is concerned he fits in and doesn't stand out anymore that he already does, I'm the one who is conscious he dresses like the other teenage boys because somehow he will be more accepted...who am I kidding!  He just wants to be secure, comfortable with what he knows, he has anxiety about the return to school and all I'm doing is making it worse.  Lesson learnt, stop waiting for the last minute, be smart, change my tact and listen!  He's not a young child and I need to remember that.

Follow the yellow,red, blue, orange, purple, pink brick road...

I can't believe I'm here! Bloggingland that is. *giddyasakipper*.  I've toyed with the idea of a blog for about 6 months and never been brave enough to take those tentative steps down the path.  My reason you may ask...Our 'Bob' and his transition into adulthood! Our 'Bob' was diagnosed between 6 years old and 9 years old (the diagnosis didn't all come at once surprise, surprise!) with high functioning autism/ADHD, he has a specific learning difficulty - dyslexia.  As his Mummy, Advocate, Chauffeur, screaming at board, cry on shoulder (not that happens much) and general good egg I have the ebegeebees about what the future holds for him and us.  I hope you enjoy our journey and all that it brings, I will try to keep it lighthearted and funny but in my world there are no guarantees!

Our path to the autistic world started life as mere meadow clearing when 'Bob' was months old.  He was THE most placid baby, gorgeous blue eyes and blonde curly hair but suffered from terrible baby asthma/eczema and an intolerance to cow's milk.  As he got older things seem to jump from one frying pan into an even greater one (I will save The Nursery Years for later they are a hoot! honest).  We already had 'Lil' she was a happy 6 year old, bright as a button and met her milestones in double time, clever little thing.  Naively I was waiting for it to all happen the same again. I was a working Mother and proud of it, and just because I had another baby was not going to stop me being the ultimate Super Mom! I was the epitome of Diane Keaton's character in the film "Baby Boom"! Who said I couldn't have it all!  Boy folks did I come down to earth with the biggest bump you could have ever experienced.  Crikey! I had shoulder-pads for goodness sake and I sat around a board table delivering statistical information.  I performed miracles most of the time, bent backwards making tea and coffee whilst balancing my mobile on my nose like a seal!

I gave up work, simple as.  My priority changed when I realised my Son, my little soldier was spending more time sat alone on the naughty mat than doing any other activity when he wasn't with us.  I knew there was something wrong, I just knew in my heart of hearts he was not meeting milestones, life was challenging for him and us, nobody was forgiving for his behaviour and this poor little boy was struggling in the sea of life.

I have been fighting his corner ever since!  I think I can safely say our road is one of many colours, some parts are brighter than others and some are down right drab.  I walk this path because I have too I don't pay too much attention to its appearance but I do like company so if you are up for it let's go for a little walk.........!