And A Happy New Year To You Too.....

It's that time of year again where we all sit back and reflect on the years successes's and failures, those moments of personal reflection, the if onlys and what ifs, and the rush of steely determination not to let it happen again next year.  The added pressure we put upon ourselves to set some resolutions, just because we feel we ought to! And the prospect of struggling to achieve them because January is probably one of the nastiest of all months in the year for everything; weather, lack of money and the deprivation of all things warming and comforting because you're on a diet!  It's one of those times that I feel the encapsulation of our 'Bob's autistic world would be a much better place!

His only concern is to ensure the creation of another virtual airline, and the offering of sustenance because he can't possibly leave the hub of all activity i.e. The PC!  Mr Autynary is very much the same mindset, no looking back (because it's already happened), no self reflection (because we just don't do that inward looking thing) and certainly no resolutions we couldn't possibly make a decision which one!

This one I know for sure, I'm on my own!  That oh so familiar saying "If you told me that this time last year I wouldn't have believed you...." is very firmly in my mind at the moment because this last year has been filled with extraordinary events and life changing decisions.  I've shoved myself over 'that invisible line', internally kicked and screamed out of my comfort zone and cried my way out of uncertainty.  I have rekindled my relationship with tenacity and have enjoyed inviting in self esteem along for the ride.

Christmas has been and gone, and we have survived! Just!  Nothing changes for us at Christmas the routine stays the same year in year out, albeit we were a little late this year getting stuff organised due to the renovations.  Our 'Bob' managed to eat his soup at the dinner table Christmas day but the plate of food had to be eaten in another room!  Our 'Bob's presents were as instructed and if I had diverted from the list I certainly would have expected an almighty meltdown, it saves anxiety all round if we just play by his rules during the festive season.

We have entered 'no man's land', y'know the time between Christmas and New Year which gets lost in overindulgence, some rather ancient clips of  a Morecombe and Wise Christmas special and re-runs of all the Christmas films ever made!  Throw in Kirstie's vintage Christmas crafts and everything grinds to a halt.  There is a moment in time where I think is this my 'Black Dog' returning or is this just Christmas anti-climax.  It's been such a long time since I have experienced 'ordinary' or 'normal' I couldn't possibly work it out.  I know that bloody 'dog' is loitering somewhere in the background and if I'm not careful will push its way through the back door.  Anybody who has suffered or is suffering from depression will know that there is always a possibility of it sneaking in when you least expect it; Like an uninvited guest who just doesn't pick up the clues to leave!  Well it's not invited to this party!


Where are we going to go next? Who the hell knows!  2014 is holding surprises and a lot of hard work but I say 'Bring It On!'  What I have learnt from last year is to go with it, hold on, it might be a white knuckle ride in parts, but just hold on!  There is a plan loosely lodged somewhere in the grey matter because we have to have a routine but personally I haven't set anything in stone.  What I will say is that I am not going to close any door until I have fully investigated the opportunities.  I have to keep reminding myself that it's OK to have a look, you are not committing yourself to anything.  I have choices and I am the one who will have the final say!!

And my message for the New Year; Acknowledge 2013 and respect all that happened, and then bloomin' hold on tight for 2014! Don't ignore possibilities or opportunities no matter how scary they feel! And in time of doubt or upset remember there are people out there who will support and comfort just know it's OK to reach out.

To you all a very, very sincere Happy New Year and a wish that 2014 will be a year of prosperity, happiness, hope and loads of laughs XXX

The Accidental Comic!

And who said Autists don't have any sense of humour... Our 'Bob' doesn't set out to be funny, and he's far from the class clown.  I’d like to say he was a prankster but that would mean he planned what he was doing and more often than not it simply happens! It can be strangely humorous when it does.  I'd like to believe that there is a funny button in his brain which gets switched on in very much the same manner as is the compulsion to press the red buttons; There is no plan and it usually occurs without any warm up!

When I look back he's been doing it most of his life and it wasn’t until he was older it became more obvious.  Our 'Bob' does love a giggle but his funniest moments are usually tied in with his little 'tinker' trait!  The first time an incident caused a memorable ruckus, 'Bob' was three years old.  I'd received the infamous beckoning hand from his Nursery Teacher, and off I shuffle to get a parental grilling.  I seriously don't know how she kept her face straight, I'm confronted with the statement

 "He's spent most of the day in Reception!"

 I'm starting to get somewhat twitchy at this point, and ask

 "So what's he been up to this time?" with a slight head cock to the right.

 "He managed to make the whole class cry!" 

Wow! That was an achievement for a three year old, Crikey what the hell has he been up to!

It transpires that my son had a real passion for switching the classroom lights on and off, and completely oblivious to the cries of his classmates, and as if that wasn't enough, the CD player attracted attention too and he kept switching between CD and Radio - Rock FM it transpires does not go down well with 25 three year olds.  Now I know it wasn't funny for the little ones but how does one child manage to run rings round two Nursery Teachers!

Our 'Bob' likes to save the very best for us, his nearest and dearest.  One year he managed to convince my husband that our town must have had an airport and it was located on the nearby golf course and to prove he was right he pulled up a google maps page and presented my husband with his findings.  Mr Autynary wasn’t convinced but ‘Bob’ presented him with the TomTom, and there it was!  By this point both of us are on the verge of believing this great find. And making a few logical searches on the web soon realised that the little tinker had found a WWII map of a nearby American airbase and had overlaid the map on google and had edited the TomTom information.  He’d been rumbled!

The Selfridges run around was another unpredicted moment.  ‘Bob’ has a passion for buttons, wires, knobs, anything really that is remotely twiddly.  The need to fiddle became so overwhelming one Christmas, the sight of all the timer controllers in the kitchen department sent him on overload.  He managed to run around and synchronize all of said items to go off at exactly the same time!!  All we got was an almighty “RUN!”

I thought he was just having a monumental meltdown and had decided to hightail it out of the store.  That was until I heard an almighty ripple of timer bells going off!!

You would think the safety of our own home would prevent his antics.  Ha Ha Ha! No! ‘Bob’ had been badgering for a radio station and Mr Autynary decided to give him a transmitter.  Not such a good idea.  Somehow ‘Bob’ had sussed out how to transmit the dull set tones of Tiffany “I think we’re alone now! And his own version of Neighbourhood News right in the middle of an FM Band Radio 4 afternoon broadcast! I wondered why my neighbors opposite was standing outside their home with their arms crossed and a few disapproving looks!

Household chores don’t escape his comical touch either!  Most recently Bob decided to fill the dishwasher which was odd in itself because he doesn’t engage in chores!  There he was, busy as a bee and we generally thought he was making an effort, so we left him to it!,  Big mistake, HUGE! Somehow the machine didn't get put on that night and  I put it on first thing in the morning.  When I got back home after school drop off  I am greeted by a sea of bubbles seeping out of the sides of the dishwasher! They were absolutely everywhere!.  Every time I opened the door more bubbles appeared. It resembled a Faulty Towers sketch.  It took me hours to clean the mess up.  

When I  picked him up from school and asked if there was something he wanted to share with me, a little smirk crept over his face

“I wasn't me!”

“ It was the plate with bubbles on!”

“What plate with bubbles on ‘Bob’?”

“The one covered in fairy liquid!”

I can only assume that the fragrant green liquid decided to sprout legs and walk itself onto the plate for a bit of a lie down.  You may think at this point that ‘Bob’ isn’t supervised, the comical reality is that he is.  The art of stealth has been well honed!   Even though we chuckle and find it amusing it does highlight a more serious point the invisible vulnerability of children and adults with high functioning Autism!  Never assume the obvious, and never let them fill your dishwasher!