Tuesday, 19 November 2013

Nobody's Perfect!

I am thankful this morning for heavier traffic on the road home, it means I have to take the long way back from school. The radio is on but I don't hear a sound.  I'm concentrating on not crying because the guy in the slow moving lane next to me is staring intently at the car, not too sure whether he thinks he's going to get in a bit of car flirting before the office.  Not with this lady your not!  Today I am having my blip! STOP the world, I want to get off day!!

I don't have them that often but as a mother you rarely have time to think about stuff other than the here and now.  Certainly been given food for thought from my family this weekend, and I'm feeling the after effects. 

Yesterday should have been a very proud Mummy moment.  One delightful memory that is locked in time that you find you boast about when meeting up with people you haven't seen for an age.  I may well do that but certainly not with the same enthusiasm.  You see our 'Bob' was awarded a Subject Award for Science at his school's presentation last night.  In Year 9 'Bob' managed to jump from the lowest set to the top set in one year, now that's an achievement in anyones books but 'Bob', not only on the spectrum and ADHD, is Dyslexic.  He has come on leaps and bounds but it is always a contentious issue, and he has already identified this may stop him from living his dream of becoming a Pilot.  Autism kicks in, ADHD kicks in and the combination does not make for comfortable association.  

The school may well have had their arrangements working like a smooth oiled machine, but for 'Bob' he didn't know what to expect; There wasn't even time set aside to run through with him what he needed to do before the event, so he WOULD know what to expect.  I felt very let down and all I can say is that meeting on Thursday afternoon, well I've added something else to my list of discussion points.

And to top it off our 'Bob' also happened to have his appointment for his 2nd EEG that morning.  The anticipated demand of the day just gripped my Son all weekend, physically and mentally.  I had complaints of feeling unwell and headaches. The reluctance to engage in any external activity fed the anxiety so we just gave in and allowed 'Bob' to become engrossed in his fantasy life on the PC.  The slightest request would trigger an outburst, I have been elbowed, prodded and punched this weekend.  My Boy does not normally have angry physical outbursts like that.  It may be we never see this on a regular basis because of our meltdown management, or it could simply be our life generally does not herald multitudes of social engagements. It was unusual behaviour!

It's not just 'Bob'; I have an overly stressed and tearful final year student, desperately juggling student and work demands and a Hubby who is pacing the floor and becoming incredibly anxious because we have a plasterer in the house!  A situation very much out of his control.

At this point I am folding my arms around my head in a tight self head lock.  Oh there's no point in that, my blip in life will still be there.  I just need to claw my way out of this hole I've put myself into.

The lady in my life Mrs W, who covers my back, who picks me up and supports me when I can't hold myself up, the one who knows when to take me home after I've had one too many grape juices sent me this 

My Xmas Pressie
And the support from Twitterette's is fabulous!  I am going to put on my virtual armour; Might be a little bit clunky; And if you hear a clanky clank It might just be me following you down the tinned veg aisle in ASDA.  So for the next couple of days I will cover up, lick my wounds and remind myself I cannot create 'perfections' in my family's lives...... Who am I kidding I will keep doing that just next time I'm packing the tin suit!!!


  1. What can I say? Such a sad post that epitimises those dreaded days that we've all had when we're so burnt out we find ourselves running on empty; being there for everybody and under the most enormous pressure.
    Bad and sad days remind us that we're human and can only take so much.
    I hope the school read this post. They had the power to make or break your day and their lack of forethought and insight would have pulled the rug from under any battle weary Mother's feet.
    You're a fabulous writer and sharing the good times and the bad times can only lead to greater understanding of living with a son, a very intelligent son, who happens to have Aspergers syndrome.

  2. Your thoughts and comments are always welcome Michelle :-) I feel half the time I'm like the old fashioned weeble wobbles but they don't fall down! and the other half trying to climb Mount Everest. I'm turning into a well experience mountaineer and I'm certainly working on my wobble xxx

  3. Hello little weeble!! I used to love them, anyway back to reality.....I'm packing your suit for you sweetie, I could do with one of those too, literally when Dan was being really bad, as he did get quite aggressive towards the end of his time living here (that was enjoyable). That is so frustrating as you work so hard to keep it running smoothly and the school seriously "cocked up" there it is basic knowledge of ASD that they like to know exactly what is going to be happening, as do most of us for that matter. I'm fine if I'm prepared but when I'm dropped into something totally unprepared, I go to pieces. It sounds like a really stressful time for all of you, and yes Pete is the same if he is not in control of situations, when we had the loft done, it was almost followed by a trip to the divorce courts but ended up me visiting the docs and getting some long overdue happy pills!! Oh well my lovely, deep breath, large Merlot and tomorrow is another day xxx

  4. Thank you lovely ladeee :-)) I still can't believe how mirrored our lives are!! I remember your Dan running around and around in the garden. If we only knew back then what we know now **sigh** Kindred spirits my lovely xxx

  5. Kindred spirits we certainly are, big hug and kiss xxx