Detectives Autynary and 'Bob' - When Two Worlds Work Together!

 How far would you go to step into your child's world? Well, since the disappearance of Flight MH 370 I have been doing just that.  I've jumped in and now I'm up to my shoulders in it!  I have always found that I have been the parent on the periphery, I don't really bring much to the table.  I mean I'm not really into science and engineering, and I've never had a penchant for trains, planes and automobiles!

As soon as 'Bob's radar hearing heard the words plane and crash resonating from the television, the whole house has been on news watch!  Mr Autynary didn't need much encouragement either.  It starts with a full run down of the overnight news from the moment we get up.  Flicking between the BBC and Sky news channels, looking for vital clues and even the cross reference of data has managed to sneak into the morning routine without much interference.  Strange that, when the change is desired it manages to pass quality control reasonably well.

I am given strict instructions to hold a watch on the latest updates, and if something genuinely important is reported to make sure Mr A gets an email.  My own 'Breaking News' update is called for from the moment 'Bob' gets in the car after school, and we have to digest and evaluate any data change.  'Bob' is really eager to get home straight away, so unless I want a hoo-ha about stopping off for vital supplies, it's straight home we go.

You're probably thinking, Why? Stop! Or you're thinking I've gone completely barmy!  I've missed The Voice, poor Phil and Holly haven't seen the light of day this week in Autynary Towers, and I didn't even get to see The Boys from Saturday Night Takeaway on a plus one.

I've found myself debating theories, and analysing speculation with Mr A and 'Bob' and have spent hours searching on the internet, like so many others, for a miracle landing on some uninhabited island.  For Mr A and 'Bob' it's all about the technical and for me it's about the human aspect.  The human aspect requires an understanding of emotion, empathic attitude, and psychological observations, all of which Mr A and 'Bob' do not find easy if at all!  The importance of logic and mechanical failure is a preferred explanation for my boys, and the digestion of disparaging information about the crew intriguing.  I need them and they need me to make sense of it all. 

I know I've been swept away with this obsessive approach, and it won't be the last time either I'm sure.  The principals are the same, though, working together to make sense of the world!  I'm encouraged that this method will open up a window of understanding.  I know emotions don't come with a formula that can be easily applied, but this is a good visual living experience which will become a memory.

Our 'Bob's last SLT review recently recognised he was still having difficulty seeing things from another persons point of view, and the differences they bring.  Which, as any Auty parent will know, that is one hell of a difficulty in this world.  When you put this in context with all those other difficulties you can see how even the smallest of positive influences can make a difference; he's still struggling adapting to change, difficulty in asking for help and other social interaction complexities!

I don't set out a plan to learn from every experience in our life, far from it.  I'm not that organised to be honest! It's usually writing this blog, I find by epiphany!  I just try to bring all of my neurotypical traits to the table in hope that we can find a balance that works for us as a family. I smile, 2 against 1, I have to go armed with something!

Can We Go Now?.....

How many times have we heard this one!  I don't know about anyone else but this one is an absolutely favourite phrase with our 'Bob'.  The outside world harnesses so many irritations for him given a choice he just stays put, and the more he understands about his sensory issues the less compromising he is becoming.  My worry is that he will become such a recluse that the fantasy world will take over the reality of living.  'Bob' has this ability to completely detach himself from the real world and pop into his parallel dream life like he's going to get a pint of milk.  Our latest acquisition is a game called Victoria II, and I believe it has something to do with taking over the world one country at a time through virtual battles.  His spare time and attention is taken up by this blasted game at the moment.  So when I just happen to mention we have a family wedding to go to this weekend I am presented with a number of demands!  Negotiations have taken place and no hostages will be spared!

This always happens whenever we have to go out.  I have to add at least an hour or two into the plans because no amount of planning can make adjustments if he is just not in the mood!  The slightest thing could set him off; the computer stopped working in the middle of the game; the toothbrush isn't where he left it; I've given him the wrong cereal; the sun is the wrong colour... just about anything! In preparations for the trip we bought an iTunes voucher for the iPad, installed a similiar game to Victoria II and made sure all technology was fully charged and deposited the charger in the car cigarette lighter in anticipation.  Great! No excuses for not being able to take over the world! 

Now for the outfit.  Like so many other children on the spectrum, 'Bob' has particular sensitivities with some textiles and items that are too tight or restrictive.  So the latest fashion trend for young men's suits being well fitted is going to be an obstacle but I'm usually up for a challenge.  I want 'Bob' to look like all the other young men who will be there and what I don't want is for his clothes to become the neon sign that say's he's different.  After a very successful shopping trip one on trend suit, shirt, tie and really trendy shoes have been bought with the promise that the trousers would be tried on at home because 'Bob' doesn't do fitting rooms either!   And all on the eve of the wedding because world domination has to take priority and we only have one shot at it.

I'd organised the morning itinerary and the family all had a good idea where we had to be and at what time. For once 'Bob' is slightly giddy; so I am thankful I had left giving him his ADHD medication till the last minute.  Now by this point there's no meltdown or screaming abdabs, everyone is relatively chilled and the journey is without incident.  'Bob' had been briefed on the type of wedding service, he had been to the church before so that was a bonus and to cut a long wedding short, it all went well.  The fact we didn't engage in the social chit chat is neither here nor there, most of the family know 'Bob' anyway.  Thank goodness! Mr AUTYnary finds these events excruciating and the social chit chat doesn't float his boat either.  The pair of them look like a couple of bookends standing on the peripheral of the group, completely disengaged with the process.  As usual we have arrived at the reception before anybody else; it's a time thing ensuring we have got there with plenty of it to spare just in case!  

The wait for food was even bearable thanks to an apple. How many unsuspecting photographic victims can one person take pictures of from the dinner table? 64 to be exact.  Take a look at the best one....

Anybody for a selfie?

DIINNNEEERRRR YUM YUM!

On the home straight now.  We've got to the dessert without any intervention.  Yayyyy! This is looking promising and could be a good night.  There I am looking very pleased with myself and WHAM! 

'Bob' - "Can we go now?"

Me - "Nope we have to stay a little bit longer."

'Bob' "Why?" "I've eaten my dinner and I'm still hungry?" "I need to get back or I won't have time to finish my battle."

Me - "It's rude to just go after food, you have to stay for the speeches and cutting the cake that's the rule."

and off he wanders.....

'Bob' - "Can we go now?"

Me - "Nope we have to stay a little bit longer."

'Bob' - "Well I'm not having that rule when I get married, I'll go when I'm ready!"

What do you say to that one?  'Bob' manages another couple of hours of "Can we go now?", and Mr AUTYnary manages to drink my share of the free wine (I'm designated driver for the night).  Not too sure who got to the car first though 'Bob' under his own steam or Mr AUTYnary pushed along by the high wind.  In the world of "Can we go now?" I can safely say that was a good night!  It's not always that easy and I'm mindful that all our trips aren't as successful.  The thing is I will keep presenting 'Bob' with these jaunts no matter what just to make sure he doesn't disappear into his version of the universe.  I fear I would lose him forever.