It's that time of year again where we all sit back and reflect on the years successes's and failures, those moments of personal reflection, the if onlys and what ifs, and the rush of steely determination not to let it happen again next year. The added pressure we put upon ourselves to set some resolutions, just because we feel we ought to! And the prospect of struggling to achieve them because January is probably one of the nastiest of all months in the year for everything; weather, lack of money and the deprivation of all things warming and comforting because you're on a diet! It's one of those times that I feel the encapsulation of our 'Bob's autistic world would be a much better place!
His only concern is to ensure the creation of another virtual airline, and the offering of sustenance because he can't possibly leave the hub of all activity i.e. The PC! Mr Autynary is very much the same mindset, no looking back (because it's already happened), no self reflection (because we just don't do that inward looking thing) and certainly no resolutions we couldn't possibly make a decision which one!
This one I know for sure, I'm on my own! That oh so familiar saying "If you told me that this time last year I wouldn't have believed you...." is very firmly in my mind at the moment because this last year has been filled with extraordinary events and life changing decisions. I've shoved myself over 'that invisible line', internally kicked and screamed out of my comfort zone and cried my way out of uncertainty. I have rekindled my relationship with tenacity and have enjoyed inviting in self esteem along for the ride.
organised due to the renovations. Our 'Bob' managed to eat his soup at the dinner table Christmas day but the plate of food had to be eaten in another room! Our 'Bob's presents were as instructed and if I had diverted from the list I certainly would have expected an almighty meltdown, it saves anxiety all round if we just play by his rules during the festive season.
We have entered 'no man's land', y'know the time between Christmas and New Year which gets lost in overindulgence, some rather ancient clips of a Morecombe and Wise Christmas special and re-runs of all the Christmas films ever made! Throw in Kirstie's vintage Christmas crafts and everything grinds to a halt. There is a moment in time where I think is this my 'Black Dog' returning or is this just Christmas anti-climax. It's been such a long time since I have experienced 'ordinary' or 'normal' I couldn't possibly work it out. I know that bloody 'dog' is loitering somewhere in the background and if I'm not careful will push its way through the back door. Anybody who has suffered or is suffering from depression will know that there is always a possibility of it sneaking in when you least expect it; Like an uninvited guest who just doesn't pick up the clues to leave! Well it's not invited to this party!
Where are we going to go next? Who the hell knows! 2014 is holding surprises and a lot of hard work but I say 'Bring It On!' What I have learnt from last year is to go with it, hold on, it might be a white knuckle ride in parts, but just hold on! There is a plan loosely lodged somewhere in the grey matter because we have to have a routine but personally I haven't set anything in stone. What I will say is that I am not going to close any door until I have fully investigated the opportunities. I have to keep reminding myself that it's OK to have a look, you are not committing yourself to anything. I have choices and I am the one who will have the final say!!
And my message for the New Year; Acknowledge 2013 and respect all that happened, and then bloomin' hold on tight for 2014! Don't ignore possibilities or opportunities no matter how scary they feel! And in time of doubt or upset remember there are people out there who will support and comfort just know it's OK to reach out.
To you all a very, very sincere Happy New Year and a wish that 2014 will be a year of prosperity, happiness, hope and loads of laughs XXX