Boy what a difference a day makes! My last post was all about the first day back and I seriously thought that we would at least get to the end of the week until our first blip! OMGosh! Smack me in the face with a wet fish, twizzle me round and kick my derriere! It transpires we couldn't get past the second day without an monumental, rip-roaring, completely lose the plot outburst. Our 'Bob' saved this one just for me when I picked him up from school yesterday.
It's moments like these that the complexities of having high functioning autism and ADHD are brought home, and I am reminded of the internal war he suffers. Initially we were told our 'Bob' had Semantic Pragmatic Disorder and I scoured the internet to find out as much information. I was like a dog with a bone! I had to do something, didn't know what, but something. My emotions were trying to creep out of the suitcase, and the more I researched the more power I had to push them back in there. In my mind I was charging right up to the gate, hammering on it, slapping my chest then gesturing with my hands " C'mon bring it on!" just like the gangster films. If I'd known then what I know now I would have saved that one for later. I used to sit in the dark with only the light of the computer screen illuminating my tear sodden face, because the more I read the more I realised that this wasn't just a blip in our speech and language development whatever it was it was going to be life-changing. You all probably wondering where Mr AUTYnary is? I'm sure this will resonate with some of you out there, the bucket of sand was more inviting! I knew my journey for knowledge or anything else relating to our children to be honest was going to be a solitary one. What I didn't realise was how close my son and husband's little quirkisms were and how by learning more about our 'Bob' did I learn to understand my husband.
Within 2 years we had gone through Semantic Pragmatic Disorder, Autistic Spectrum Disorder, and then to Asperger's, and our specific learning difficulty - Dyslexia thrown in for good measure! By the time our 'Bob' was 9 yrs old we managed to add ADHD and the diagnosing Consultant decided because 'Bob' had developmental delay in speech it was not Asperger's but High Functioning Autism. Confusing to say the least but my dog and bone attitude meant that the acquistion of information at the time was top priority. I had to get my head round it all so I could help 'Bob'.
Not that I was much help yesterday. The incident was simple - last lesson of the day, one child winding up our 'Bob, questioning about friendship with girl (who I might add has been one of two friends he has had since the beginning of secondary school that 'get him'), 'Bob' does not want to answer (because you just don't!), pick, pick, pick throw a piece of lego at him and BOOM! Mum arrives and we start.......we go on about how it's always him they pick on, nobody listens, it's not fair, nobody punishes other people's bad behaviour, he always gets the blame, and then for the real cruncher, "It's all you and Dads fault I have this autism and ADHD", "your the one's who have given me this cell", "ADHD won't let my brain calm down" and "Autism and ADHD stop me from fighting my own battles".....and we went on, and on, and on...
I try the calm approach, trying to reassure, trying to remind him about discussion we had about other people and how they treat us, and that some children find that once they get a reaction from you feel that they can do it time and time again but more importantly how do we control the situation when this happens....I pulled out everything from my mummy armoury....Could I comfort my boy not a cat in hells chance. I was driving while this was happening, heading for the motorway for a little diversion, I hoped it would work because I was running out of ideas! Our 'Bob' was firmly told that the conversation would have to stop because I was driving and I couldn't concentrate on his issues and drive at the same time I would have an accident. Ahhh silence!! The rule card played off.
I took him to a shop, many will say not a bright move because we don't do supermarkets, but it worked. We bought our items, we grabbed a coke and some fries, went to get in the car and this young man walking out with me says
"Mum, I think I've calmed down now"
"It's my ADHD that makes me do that"
"I think my outburst was because it was the end of the day and my tablet had worn off" "
I found myself having a moment... my goodness I never thought the day would arrive when my boy would be able to make a complex analysis of his own behaviour and attribute it to his condiiton. My word our 'Bob' has started his journey into transition..